yearning for your love
  doing things i'd never do
  to make you notice

---

  oh my god oh shit
  holy fuck dude what even
  what the fuck?? what the

---

  i never thought that
  i would find family here
  in a chat server

---

  what is wrong with you?
  are you mean or just stupid?
  where did your love go?

---

  insecurity
  clings like an ill-fitting suit
  awkward on your frame

---

  thirty-two ounce cans
  saved tickets and signed posters
  your home misses you

---

  i want to tell you
  how much your content helps
  i'll donate instead

---

  i will plant my hope
  in the garden of your heart
  and pray it grows kind

---

  i'm willing to have
  intestinal discomfort
  for sweet qdoba

---

  another new med
  who am i if not the sum
  of all my symptoms?

---

  overinvested
  in stuff that doesn't matter
  distracting myself

---

  how to navigate
  your misdirected anger
  please give me a map

---

  my dad had a stroke
  it's been hard to recover
  but i have hope now

---

  i am behind now
  unmotivated to do
  more of these haiku

---

  though we do visit
  i still miss my family
  i miss being close

---

  you understand me
  most of the time anyway
  at least you're trying

---

  not good enough yet
  and yet i'm not improving
  art is just too hard

---

  i am not a joke
  my identity is real
  i just want respect

---

  you make my heart race
  in a way that makes no sense
  not quite platonic

---

  tell me i'm special
  i'm needier than you think
  it's ugly on me

---

  overcast and cold
  white on the ground reminds me
  i wish you were here

---

  always so thoughtful
  careful consideration
  for meaningless words

---

  you gave up your dreams
  for sick gratification
  a need for attention

---

  menthols and sweet tea
  staining my teeth and my tongue
  like father like son

---

  at your parents' house
  warm lamplight and stolen booze
  planning our future

---

  stumbling back home
  hot skin, dilated pupils
  scrambling for love

---

  all those years apart
  i melt into you again
  like you never left

---

  from one to the next
  desperate to be wanted
  a hole you can't fill

---

  hating this body
  afraid of testosterone
  a painful limbo

---

  twenty-four seven
  lo-fi chill hop radio
  beats to relax to

---

  i promise you this
  i will love you all my days
  and the days after

---

  i am not perfect
  i still make stupid mistakes
  but i will improve

---

  i want to forget
  how it felt to be the one
  you cherished the most

---

  disappointment tastes
  like your mouth when we kiss
  always on your tongue

---

  watch it fall apart
  everything you worked to get
  you don't deserve it

---

  smoke coils and drifts
  lazy on the calm, still air
  shrouding your features

---

  i have figured out
  that i always want too much
  and give too little

---

  talking about god
  i envy your conviction
  belief in nothing

---

  on our wedding day
  we will look back on all this
  knowing we chose well

---

  paintings of crosses
  love your trashy home decor
  ugly's the new black

---

  awkward in my skin
  i wish i wanted to be a girl
  and not this